Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Titbits 2

Then the Oracle said the most incredible thing I ever heard her say. I was bemoaning the unfairness of Death when she declared:

~ But you have Sex as a compensation for Death.

~ What? -- I cried out. ~ Sex as a compensation for Death? How fair is it to compensate a loss of eternity with a pleasure of an instant? 

The more you do it the fairer it becomes! Said the Oracle

~ If every instant of life could be an orgasm, it wouldn't be fair enough.

~ Well-- she said again, ~ in the end that was your choice.

***********
***********

What progress? (She said) What change? What growth?

Your life itself is borrowed from death. Your days are stolen from darkness. Your joy from your sadness, and all of your thoughts from nothingness. You can never sum them up and arrive at any thing positive. It will be zero -- from nothing to nothing.

***********
***********

I went to the kitchen holding a giant bowl that was heavily greased with the oil from the stew I just ate for dinner. The microwave was on, heating up something. The timer on top of it indicated that it will run for 4 more minutes. I was busy washing up the oily bowl when the microwave peeped five times to indicate that the time was up. At that moment, it struck me that I just spent 4 minutes of my life washing a bowl. Four irreversible minutes consumed with a trivial task, without being consciously lived.

Time is finite, but the choice for action is almost infinite. And sometimes the arbitrariness and the triviality of the choices strikes you with an eerie sensation. 

***********
***********

When the man dies, his teeth say 'Now let's take break!'

***********
***********

What if a woman's love is just an advance payment for the future service of raising her kids?

***********
***********

A hungry heart would mold a lover from mud.

***********
***********

The first rule of writing is, she said, to write in first person form. Do not hide behind abstract subjects and passive forms. Write as a person normally speaks, and state your ideas directly. Loose-ended statements and half-finished arguments indicate that you are afraid to take a position. Open up and be vulnerable. Be willing to be refuted wrong.

***********
***********

You are a small nerve ending of a giant living universe.

***********
***********

What if the Big Bang was a Laughter of God, or maybe a Cry of Man?

***********
***********

What is life but a combination of gimmicks and tricks to remain sane and relevant?

***********
***********

The parks, the libraries -- and the real world in general -- are the first victims of the internet revolution.

***********
***********

An apparition is warmer than a facebook friend. In the floods of information it unleashed on me, facebook drowned itself. Like tumor, it is growing too much to kill itself.


Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Van Gogh: The Life

It was on a night of a Holy Thursday that I finished reading Steven Naifeh and Gregory Smith’s compelling biography of the renowned Dutch painter – ‘Van Gogh: The Life.’ I had spent much of that evening in the City Centre attending a musical drama depicting the Passion of the Christ with thousands of townsfolk. When I returned home, I faced the last chapter of this engrossing book which had occupied me for weeks. I had come to know the two protagonists– Vincent and Theo van Gogh– so intimately that I was not looking forward to finishing the book. I was afraid of losing the warm company of the two brothers’ revealing story. Still, nothing had prepared me to the great shock that I would actually feel upon the tragic end of their story.

In the musical drama I had attended that evening, Jesus Christ was condemned to crucifixion by a bitter, unforgiving crowd and an acquiescent judge. In three days, however, Jesus would triumph over death and arise from the grave. His is a beautiful, reassuring story, with its message of love’s healing power that could even trump death.   


The story of the two Van Gogh’s was an exact opposite of the comforting story that I had celebrated that night. It is also a wonderful story of love – a fraternity of two young men that sustained decades-long stormy trials and tribulations. But its ending is devastating. It is a love that ends with the decimation of a whole family. First dies Vincent from a gun wound, in the arms of his ‘Waarde Theo,’ which drives the hitherto levelheaded Theo into a sudden cataclysm of craziness and eventual death. It was heartrending to witness the unravelling of an enduring story of friendship and brotherhood, chiseled into my mind through this elegantly narrated, 850-pages-long biography. Unlike Christ’s, the death of the Van Goghs is one without redemption, unless perhaps the fact of a total stranger like me reading their story with misty eyes a hundred years hence would count as a restitution of sorts.

Vincent van Gogh was essentially the abandoned child who never got the chance to grow up. Indeed, he was a quirky ‘strange boy’-- contrarian, unamiable and vehemently uncompromising. On the plus side he was passionate towards ideals and people whom he loved, with the capacity to galvanize the forces of his frantic heart and towering mind to meet his goals. His heart would ooze tender kindness towards the unfortunate, and at many points in his life he made extreme self-sacrifices to lend a helping hand for a neglected soul. He was thus a born evangelist, and it was only natural that he started out at young age into a career in the Church. However, his overture to study theology and follow his father’s footsteps foundered in the face of stringent university entrance requirements which he failed after two years of hard study in Amsterdam.


Still Life with Bible (1885)
Vincent van Gogh failed not once, but in all of his endeavors without exception till the tragic end of his life at the age of 38. Since his art almost never sold, he was financially dependent on his family. His tumultuous life was punctuated with endless failed relationships. Starting from his family ties to the friendships he formed in the many countries where his wanderlust soul took him, all of Vincent’s relationships suffered the same interminable fate of a quarrelsome fall out. A lifelong history of professional and personal failures registered a dark backlog in Vincent’s sensitive psyche. In his last years, he suffered bouts of depression that bordered madness. The state of his life was so gloomy that, looking back, Vincent described it as “shipwreck.”  

I think two events dramatically turned Van Gogh’s life to the worse. The first was his parents' decision to send him out to a boarding school at the age of 11, which started off young Van Gogh’s life on a perilous path. However impossible it might have seemed, his contrarian personality would have stood a better chance of reforming in the comfortable nest of his parent’s house. Unfortunately, he was torn apart from the family he dearly loved, and forced into a communal life in which he would inevitably become an outsider. His banishment into a boarding school sowed in Van Gogh’s mind irrepressible feelings rejection which would haunt his relationship with his family.

The second unfortunate event in Van Gogh’s life was his delusional sojourn into the Borinage, the black country of dreary coal mines in Belgium. Compared to the preceding adventures that similarly ended up in failure, the jaunt into these godforsaken mines at the age of 26 had a much worst effect of deteriorating the young man’s mental balance. Vincent emerged from that black country no longer an unlucky, idealistic adventurer whose innocent but misguided aspirations went awry. Rather, he came out as a bitter person with a distorted world view, tormented by his past rejections and unhinged by fear of future failure. The sleeping devils in his mind came out rushing, setting off fires of bitter anger towards his parents and guilt towards himself. For the rest of his life, he would build endless ‘castles in the air’ to reclaim his nostalgia of a lost love, which only led to more disappointment whenever the fantasies would go bust.
Almond Blosssoms (1890)
Eventually he moved to Brussels and started a career as an artist at the age of 27, which lasted until his death ten years later. Although Vincent’s life tacked back to normalcy thanks to his newborn dedication to art, the troubles of the past had left indelible bruises in his mind. Moreover, Theo now took over their father as Vincent’s financial care taker, thanks to his solid financial standing working in Paris for Goupil, a giant art-dealing business partly owned by their uncle Cent. Vincent had already tried working for Goupil, first in their branch in the Hague and then in London, but was found recalcitrant in his work, which eventually led to his dismissal.  

Vincent considered Theo not only as his confidant, but also as a sort of a protégé. Their relationship became complicated, however, when Theo outdid his brother by succeeding with ease in the art dealing business in Paris. He quickly climbed up the corporate hierarchy, cementing his status as the most favored sibling of their family. Vincent's financial dependence upon his younger brother was a twist of fate that would permanently alter the calculus of their wobbly relationship. In later years, Vincent’s profligacy compounded with Theo’s increasing financial cares to spawn incessant arguments in the brothers’ correspondences between Brussels and Paris.

Theo Van Gogh (1872)
Still, the bond between the two brothers withered all of this instability and Theo remained not only his brothers sponsor, but also his only constant source of intimate emotional support and professional advice. In fact, Vincent cast his work as a joint project of the two brothers, which might not be far from truth considering the intensity of Theo’s involvement that doubled roles of a financier, professional adviser, market counsellor, collector and promoter of practically all of Vincent’s paintings. This arrangement suited the otherwise desultory Vincent, motivating him to work hard as he tried to prove to his brother that he is worthy of his salt. In spite of several fall outs, including a persistent chill following Theo decision to marry Johanna Bonger, their affinity and correspondences persisted.

The Starry Night (June 1889)
The death of Vincent embellished the ironies of the life he had lived. In his life, Vincent was the rejected, degenerate child. In his death, he became among the most recognized and cherished artists the world over. He lived a life of penury and perpetual financial dependence. In his death, a single painting of him would fetch tens of millions. In his life, he was detested for his person, although his work occasionally drew praises from friends. In his death, it was the dazzling story of his life that would eventually draw attention to his work. Moreover, Vincent was the least sought after, and least recognized member of the large Van Gogh family. He proved to be the most indispensable when his death unleashed a domino of tragic deaths in the family, beginning from the heartbroken Theo, to their young brother Corr in South Africa. As much as the death of Vincent might have been tolerated, or even welcomed given all the troubles he gave, the Van Gogh household must have been rocked to its bottom upon the capitulation of the younger Theo. Theo, who was the antithesis of Vincent for his dutifulness, had been a beacon to his family, and their indispensable financial beast of burden.

Starry Night over the Rhône (September 1888)
The posthumous fame of Van Gogh is a testimony of the value of authentic artistic creativity, and our ability to recognize and cherish it. In his life as much as in his art, Van Gogh was severely unpretentious, intent on unequivocally expressing the subtlest hue of his feelings. As early as 1982, just two years into his serous artistic undertaking, Vincent wrote that he wants to be remembered as one who “feels deeply… tenderly -- notwithstanding my so-called roughness, perhaps even because of it.” The triumph of this enduring vision is there for everyone to see in the unmistakable roughness and yet forceful authenticity that is a signature of Vincent’s paintings. His paintings reflect the whole gamut of Vincent’s complex emotional experience – ranging from the dark, sterile paintings of ‘The Potato Eaters’ and ‘Two Women on the Heath,’ to the jovial, light-intoxicated vistas displayed in the paintings of wheat fields and lush gardens from his later days in France.

As Vincent once said: ‘Illusions may fade, but the sublime remains.’ His paintings indeed honestly convey the sublime spirit that animated him and the dazzling intensity with which he expressed it. The layers of color and texture of his relentless brush strokes are enduring witnesses of his lustful passion for life.  In the golden wheat fields of autumn decorated by hovering birds, in the magical olive gardens, in the twinkling, larger-than-life stars and moon, reflected on the Rhone and shining over the Place du Forum of Arles, one can still sense the glimpse of that sublime, creative impulse which Vincent used to express with a spur of exclamation: ‘Yes! Dat is het!’

Wheat Field with Cypresses (1889)